Once upon a TikTok trend, every girl with eyeliner and a snarl thought she could become a financial dominatrix. Just bark “pay me” into a phone camera, slap a “#findom” hashtag on it, and voilà—you’re a Domme, right?
Except… no. That’s not how this works. That’s not how *any* of this works.
Financial domination—real findom—isn’t about being mean. It’s not about yelling at strangers for cash. And it’s certainly not about turning kinks into side hustles with zero understanding of the dynamics involved. Yet that’s exactly what we’re seeing more of: a flood of new “Dommes” who mistake cruelty for control, sarcasm for submission, and vibes for validation. They’re not stepping into power—they’re performing a cartoon version of it. And the people on the receiving end? They can tell.
When Dominance Becomes a Caricature
The problem isn’t that new Dommes exist. We *need* fresh blood in the kink community. The issue is that many of them are copying content, not learning the craft. They enter the findom world thinking dominance is a costume—black boots, harsh words, a Venmo tag—and skip right past the core of what it actually means to dominate with intent, responsibility, and connection.
As one finsub in a Reddit thread put it, “They don’t see subs as people. They come into this not understanding kink, not understanding BDSM. And because it’s foreign to them, they’re forced to play a caricature of what they think a Domme is.”
Oof. Truth hurts. And it should. Because this “mean girl with a PayPal” approach isn’t just disrespectful—it’s unsustainable. Real power doesn’t need to scream to be heard. And subs don’t exist to bankroll someone’s aesthetic if that someone can’t offer emotional intelligence or even basic kink literacy in return.
Fake Domme Energy Hurts Everyone
Let’s talk about the fallout. When dommes treat submission like a vending machine—insert humiliation, receive funds—subs burn out. Fast. The emotional labor of financial submission isn’t always obvious, but it’s very real. These men (and women) are giving money not just for kicks, but for connection, control, and affirmation.
When a Domme responds with nothing but entitlement? That fantasy shatters. Fast. And you know what happens next? Subs withdraw. They stop giving. They retreat from the scene. Or worse—they start treating all Dommes with suspicion, making it harder for real, ethical Dommes to build trust. Everybody loses.
“Pay Me or GTFO” Isn’t Personality
Let’s be clear: you’re allowed to be mean. You’re allowed to be bratty, cruel, icy, venomous, whatever flavor of femme fatale lights your inner fire. But if that’s *all* you bring to the table? You’re not a Domme—you’re a bully with a cashapp.
Being a Domme is about control, yes, but it’s also about *connection*. About reading your sub, not just reading your script. It’s about understanding boundaries, motivations, consent, fantasy, and reality. You don’t get there through aesthetic alone. You get there through listening, learning, and leading with intention.
Start with Curiosity, Not Ego
Instead of asking “How do I get a paypig to give me money?”, ask: “What do paypigs *get* from giving it?”
That question changes everything. It turns findom from a transaction into a dynamic. It forces you to understand the psychology behind the kink—not just the hashtags that promote it. Because when you actually see your sub as a person (not just a wallet), your power becomes real. And when your power is real, the tributes don’t just come—they multiply.
The Dommes Who Last? They Get It
The ones who endure past the TikTok trend cycle are the ones who understand kink like a second language. They don’t need to scream, because their silence commands attention. They don’t throw tantrums when rejected—they recalibrate. And when they say, “Send tribute,” it’s not an ask. It’s a command woven with chemistry, context, and care.
So if you’re new to findom and you’re not getting traction, consider this: maybe it’s not that the scene is “dead” or that subs are “broke.” Maybe it’s that the way you’re performing power isn’t powerful at all. Maybe it’s time to step back, study the dynamics, and actually learn the difference between being *mean* and being *dominant*.
Because You’re Not a Domme Just Because You’re Mean
You’re not owed tribute. You’re not entitled to adoration. And you’re certainly not “better” than your subs just because you’re on the other end of the transaction. True Dommes know that the game is played with mutual respect, psychological depth, and a heavy dose of intention.
If you want to stay in this game longer than a weekend, ditch the caricature. Build the character. It pays better. And it feels way more real.